...Our lives are loaned to us. Not long.
And not to pile up money. Not for power.
And how we pay that loan back does matter:
with interest, yes—with being interested;
by promising and keeping promises;
by caring more and minding much less instead.
From "Some Things Have One Meaning, Some Things Don't:" by Rob Carney
Yesterday I remembered something that happened almost a year ago and I didn't like it. I was acting characteristically for the version of myself I then was but am no longer. I was thrilled when a self-analysis confirmed that I would do no such thing now. I have changed.
April 20, 2012 I graduated from BYU and I'm sure I had a vision of the person I would be one year later. I am not that person. Maybe I am less accomplished, and I certainly don't "have it all figured out." No one does. Turns out that's not really a thing.
After determining what I am not, "it might interest you to know, speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world, that I am the sound of rain on the roof" ("Litany" by Billy Collins). In addition to that, I am also a much fuller person than the person I thought I would be one year after graduation. I have a year's worth of memories (for real, I remember almost everything) and a life full of people I feel a real connection to, including a bunch of new additions who didn't exist in my life a year ago. I have made resolutions and kept them. I feel more capable. I feel like I am good. And I feel like I'm happy. If I think I'm happy, then I certainly am happy. I am interested, I promise and keep promises, I care more and mind much less. No matter how accomplished and "figured out" I thought I would be at this point, I never could have created in my mind such a round, dynamic character as I currently am. So I guess I won.