I have figured out the source of my unhappiness.
Two years ago, on October 3, 2009, I was in St. George, Utah. I had just finished running a marathon: 26.2 miles on a warm fall day. I was DEAD tired. But I was happy. I had trained for five months to be able to do exactly that. As I was training, I told myself I would NEVER do it again. It was too hard and too much time. Sweat, side aches, blisters, toenails falling off, shin splints, nights that I only slept five hours. It wasn't the race that I didn't want to do again, but the training. As I started out the fastest five miles of my life that morning, though, I said out loud (to myself and to my faithful running partner, Tim) "Who are we kidding? Of course we're going to do this again." It was wonderful. I never knew how great I could feel while physically punishing my body. Yes, it took me forever to finish, and yes, I ached like HECK going up or down stairs, sitting or standing or lying down. But I had made the choice to train and to do it, and I did. I loved that experience.
One year ago, on October 2, 2010, I was in Caldera, Chile. I had been in Chile since April, and I was sitting in the chapel with a brand new sister, Hermana Vilche. We were streaming General Conference from a laptop in our chapel, since it was too far to get to the stake center in Copiapo (a bus ride of about 1 hour, 15 minutes) with the people we were teaching. Not that any of the people we were teaching came, but we thought they would. I was serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That particular Saturday, we watched the Relief Society broadcast, we watched the morning session of General Conference, then we had a branch lunch and a baptism. Luis, an absolutely wonderful man with an incredible moustach, had made a choice to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and get baptized into his church. He was extremely happy and so were we. I felt about the same as I had felt one year before: wonderfully tired and so satisfied. I had to make large sacrifices to be in Chile. I spent many sleepless nights worrying about the people I loved so much. We worked all day, every single day, and I loved it.
This weekend, I did nothing that compares to either of those experiences. Yesterday, I got up and ran a measly six miles. I watched Conference, I baked, I spent time idly chatting with some friends and studying here or there. Today I'm in Salt Lake with my brother. We watched Conference, went on a drive in Emigration Canyon, and I'm making dinner now. Where are all my life-changing experiences? I need some goals. But I don't have any good ideas. I don't have any specific goals that really inspire me, that really motivate me to change my life, to be better, to serve others. I want to do those things, but I have no idea where to start.
Well, it's time. Time to do something that I can be proud of. So that I never again have to look back and realize that I have fallen from where I used to be. Life is a progression, or should be. Feel free to suggest life-altering goals that you feel I can accomplish. I definitely need some help.